The Place Arima Fears The Most Is Within Himself
by kissmyanimex2012
Summary: Arima deals with his past and present self, but finds a lot more. AxY Songfic ONESHOT


Finally, a Kare Kano fic! I've been musing about using this song to Kare Kano after I watched **Meri C's **video on youtube which had the same music. It matched the characters sooo well, so I had to try! This is basically about the struggles that Arima faced when trying to change himself. Well here it is, my newest songfic, enjoy! (ArimaxYukino)

Song: The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most

Artist: Dashboard Confessional

NOTE: Lyrics are in bold. You can find the link to Meri C's video on my page! Please watch!

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Thunder crashed loudly. A body, curled up and hiding in a dark corner, was suddenly illuminated for the split second. That person was crying. Was it out of fear? Out of sadness? Out of joy? Didn't matter. That person was crying. Stretched out and wrapped around his shoulders seemed to be a pair of transparent arms, consoling him yet… frightening him.

"S-Stop! I don't want to remember! Don't touch me! Don't hold me! I don't want to--"

"You can't deny your own past… you can run from it but it will always find you."

The transparent face behind him mirrored his own, the only difference was a sinister smile. The boy placed his hands over his ears defiantly.

"I won't, I won't remember. I-I'll forget about it… that's right, I'll forget…"

The smirk vanished and was replaced with an angry frown.

"You can't forget. How could anyone forget _that_?"

A vision came to him suddenly. A vision of a woman looking at him with pure disdain and hatred. The woman picked him up by his collar and shook him. She screamed in his ears, "Why are you looking at me like that? Do I scare you?". Another vision, this time was more graphic. The woman hit him.

"I hate you! You horrid child! It's not like I wanted you anyways! No one loves you, no one needs you. You have nobody, NOBODY!"

Arima groaned and collapsed onto the ground, sobbing and clutching to himself. There was nobody there. Just like she said. He had nobody. Nobody to console him. The transparent figure loomed over him. It smiled.

"You see? You can't forget. Not even that girl can help replace those memories."

Arima looked up and whispered, "Yukino," but let the words fade as he heard the door open downstairs. They were home. Arima sat on the ground for a bit, collecting himself, then stood up and walked downstairs. Shouji looked at him and smiled.

"Hello Arima. Were you alright by yourself?"

Eiko looked up at him and smiled too. Arima flashed them a bright smile.

"Yeah, I was just fine."

**Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself  
And covered with a perfect shell  
**

The next day, Arima walked into school, smiling and laughing, greeting his peers. Yukino sat her desk and watched him with mild interest.

'He's faking it…'

Some girls who stood idly near her spoke up admiringly about him.

"He's so handsome, Yuki! You're so lucky!"

"He's smart too, and so charming."

"Yukino, what's Arima like?"

Yuki decided not to answer them, she simply stared at him. Asaba walked into the room, glancing in Yukino's direction briefly before noticing Arima and pouncing on him.

"Arima-kuuuun! Good morning!"

Yukino sweatdropped. Arima smiled softly.

"Good morning, Hideaki-san."

And he flashed another handsome smile. The girls swooned.

**Such a charming, beautiful exterior  
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes  
Perfect posture, but you're barely scraping by  
But you're barely scraping by  
**

Asaba's look went serious.

'Why is he acting like this all of a sudden?'

When the greetings were finished, class finally started. Arima stared lazily out a window, watching snowflakes fall daintily to the ground. Strange, how weather can change so quickly. Just like him. One minute, he's a crying, sopping mess. The next minute, he's flashing smiles so bright he makes the sun look dim in comparison. Yukino was watching him intently, and he seemed to notice her. He didn't move his head to face her but simply let his eyes look back at her. He didn't want to make eye contact, in fear that she might see his sadness. His suffering. Time flew by and classes were soon done.

"Stand. Bow."

The class stood and bowed as they were told, then went among their business, chatting and leaving for homeroom. Arima had sat in his seat and looked out the window again. Yuki looked at Soichiro sadly, but decided to see what was troubling him.

"Hey there."

Arima didn't answer her. Yukino took this as a sign that something was really bad.

"I'm guessing that you want to talk. If you do, Arima-kun, I'm always here for you."

Arima again, didn't answer her. She got irritated.

"Listen, Arima, I just want to help you. Talking wouldn't be so much trouble for you now would it? Just say something alrea--"

"I don't want to say anything Yukino… can we just go home now?"

Yuki gave him a hard look, but then sighed.

"Only if you walk me! I'm not walking home in the snow alone, and neither are you! Come on, mister!"

She grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the seat. He followed her hesitantly, but soon fell into step, grasping her hand tightly. She blushed as they walked through the hall holding hands, something they rarely did, even with the promise to not hold back their emotions anymore. They gathered their stuff, said goodbye to their friends, and left the building. While walking through the snow, Yuki looked at him timidly. 'Should I speak to him about it again?'

"Hey Soichiro-kun… you okay?"

Arima glanced at her and smiled softly, though it seemed forced.

"Y-Yeah. Just fine."

"Doesn't look like it," she mumbled it softly so he wouldn't hear, but he did. Arima grabbed her hand suddenly.

"I said I'm fine Yukino."

"and I said you don't look it! What's wrong with you Arima? You never lie to me!"

Her eyes were glistening with tears, threatening to spill over. Arima looked away from her face, not wanting to see her cry. He hated making her cry.

"Why Arima… why are you lying to me? Why don't you tell me anything anymore? Did I do something wrong? Can't you trust me?"

He clenched his fist, his grip on her hand getting tighter. She winced slightly.

"Just… just stop Yukino… you're such a… such a…"

"Such a what, Arima?! Tell me the truth, what am I to you?"

"… such a drama queen."

Yukino's face scrunched up as tears streamed down her face. Arima seemed unfazed by it though.

"Why are you doing this to me Arima? All I want to do is help--"

"Help me? With what? You're useless as it is! You can never help me with what I need help with."

Yukino's tears came more freely, unwilling to hold them back any longer. Arima's smirk turned into a frown.

"Just shut up. Just shut up and leave me alone, Yuki."

A hand flew up and smacked him across the face. Then all was silent, except for the sound of crying and harsh breath.

"You can never think before you speak! Is this what you truly want? For me to go away? Fine!"

Yukino pulled her arm out of his grasp and turned around abruptly.

"Nobody needs you anyways… you're always alone…"

Arima's teeth gritted, his own tears threatening to escape. She shook her head and then she ran off, leaving him alone. Arima chuckled, his tears running down his cheeks and onto the snowy ground.

"That's right… I'm always alone…"

**  
This is one time, this is one time  
That you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone  
Or anyone at all...or anyone at all**

Arima gasped suddenly, as if noticing something he didn't see before. He just made Yukino leave him. What had he done? She was his rock, the only thing that kept him together and made him whole, and he threw her away. He felt sick to his stomach. Sick with himself. He struggled home, closing the door behind him and throwing everything he had on the floor beside him. He slid down the door carefully, sitting on the ground. He ran a hand through his hair and banged his head against the wall.

"Damn it! I keep pushing her away, even when I promised I would never let these feelings get in the way!"

His sobs became more clearer. That transparent hand came to him again and touched his cheek, wiping away a tear. The face smirked.

"You never needed her in the first place. Stay with me, Arima. Let's stay in this never ending sadness. She could never save you from the darkness which captivates your mind and soul. Embrace it, become one with that old self--"

"Never."

The transparent face's smile disappeared.

"I'll never be what I was before. I'll be me. Never again will I become _that_."

The figure smirked again.

"Even so, who would accept you now? You turned away the only woman who truly loved you. All you have is her, and she's gone now."

Arima's fist clenched.

"Not if I can help it."

A vision came to his eyes, a vision of the days when Yukino helped him, made him stronger. Asaba, Tsubasa, Tonami, Tsubaki, everyone was there, helping him become better everyday. That was where he belonged, not in the darkness but in the path of light that Yukino had set in motion for him.

**And the grave that you refuse to leave  
The refuge that you've built to flee  
The places that you've come to fear the most  
It's the place that you have come to fear the most  
**

Arima admitted silently to himself that he feared the light as much as he feared the darkness, but he would embrace it every step of the way. As long as he had Yukino by his side, everything would be alright. The transparent figure vanished and Soichiro stood up and walked over to the telephone and dial a number. It rang once, twice, three times.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Hello, Miyazawa-san? This is Soichiro, may I speak with Yukino? I have to tell her something. And if she refuses to speak with me, tell her that I'm sorry and it's important."

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"He's so… UGH! I can never understand him!"

"Maybe you don't try hard enough to understand him.."

Yukino glared at her Maho with such intensity, even Tsubasa shuddered.

"Izawa, you say something like that again and you won't live to see daylight again."

The café table was quiet before it erupted into laughter. Yukino pouted and crossed her arms. Tsubaki poked her arm playfully, making her pout turn to a smile. In her head, she was content. She had run into her friends while running from Arima, and seeing as she was visibly distraught, her helpful friends cheered her up and invited her to their favorite café for hot chocolate and cake, a notable girl's best friend. Tsubasa gobbled down a slice of strawberry cake, getting frosting on her cheek.

"Maybe Arima-kun doesn't like you anymore."

Everyone's mouths dropped and they stared at Yukino's expression. Yuki, unfazed, shook her head.

"That's not it. Something was bothering him."

Asaba brainstormed and gasped, making everyone think he had something sensible to say.

"Maybe he had gas!"

Yukino stared at him with disbelief. He could still be so blithe with all this going on with his best friend. Asaba laughed and tried to wrap an arm around Yukino but she shoved him off playfully.

"Maybe he just didn't want to tell you because he didn't want to worry you!"

Rika piped up and smiled at her friend encouragingly. Aya shook her head and pulled out a cigarette.

"Nah, it probably wasn't just that. Arima's just going through a rough time, you know? And to have to deal with a girl like you? Always nagging and laughing obnoxiously around him, woo! I'd get sick of you too-- oh…"

Miyazawa was hunched over, her head on the table and sobbing. Aya twiddled her fingers nervously and let the cigarette fall back into the box.

"Ah-ah! I was joking, really!"

Yukino laughed and sat up abruptly, scaring her.

"I know. Hehe!"

Aya sweatdropped. 'I wasn't really kidding… but just to make her feel better…'

Suddenly, Yukino's cell phone rang.

"Hey, Yuki! It's Tsukino! Mom told me to tell you that Arima called and said it was important. She told him where you're at so don't leave to café! He's coming right now!"

"W-What?! Now? No way! Call him back and make him stop!"

But it was too late, Tsukino had hung up and left Yukino in a messy situation. She stood up, attempting to flee.

**Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself  
And hidden in the public eye  
**

She quickly jumped out of the table and scurried outside, much to the confusion of her friends.

"Wait! Yuki! Come back!"

She trudged onward though, ignoring their pleas.

"Yukino-san."

Yuki stopped suddenly, her eyes flashing up and looking behind her. "Arima…"

Arima didn't say anything, he just walked over to her. Yuki trembled, and it wasn't from the cold. Arima stood before her now, his breath forming little white puffs in the air. She looked him over.

'He must of ran all the way here, his coat is covered in snow…'

Soichiro bowed politely and chocked out an apology.

"I-I'm sorry. What I said before.. Was inexcusable. I have nothing else to say but that I am truly, deeply sorry."

Yukino grew angry. That was it? After all he said, that was it? He should be on his knees, kissing her feet, crying and begging for forgiveness! She turned away from him but found that his hand had sought hers and pulled her towards him and into an embrace. Yukino gasped. He wouldn't let go of her, even as she struggled out of his grasp.

"I need you, Yuki. I felt so horrible and confused, I never meant to push you away! All these memories of the old me, my past, everything, I got so scared that I couldn't tell you. I was afraid to tell anybody. I didn't want anyone to share my pain. I didn't want you to see my suffering. But I became selfish, and I did horrible things to make my other self feel better. Now I see that I was putting on another façade."

Asaba, out of nowhere, began clapping and crying like the sap that he is. Yukino smiled and wrapped her arms around him.

"We all have to put up a visage every now and then, Arima-kun. Remember? Sometimes, it's not okay to share everything. And when that happens, you put on a face to mask your true feelings. Like I used to."

**Such a stellar monument to loneliness  
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes  
Perfect make-up, but you're barely scraping by  
But you're barely scraping by...  
**

Arima released his death grip on her and looked into her eyes. Yet again, they were brimming with tears.

"Drama queen."

"Narcissist."

"Hey!"

Yukino giggled.

"I love you again."

"… Again? You didn't love me?"

"That's not it, it's-- oh shut up and lets make out."

And they proceeded to do so, to the horror of their surrounding company. Tsubasa hissed and went back inside to gobble down more ice cream cake. Aya smoked a cigarette to pass time. Rika cooed and decided that to end her writer's block, she'd write a romance story. Maho felt like blowing chunks at all the mushy-gushy love muck. And Asaba… he was horny… like that ever changed. Yuki took the hand of her lovely boyfriend and walked away.

**Well this is one time, well this is one time  
That you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone  
Or anyone at all...or anyone at all  
And the grave that you refuse to leave  
The refuge that you've built to flee  
The places that you've come to fear the most  
It's the place that you have come to fear the most**

**  
And you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone  
Or anyone at all.. or anyone at all  
And the grave that you refuse to leave  
The refuge that you've built to flee  
The places that you've come to fear the most  
It's the place that you've come to fear the most  
It's the place that you have come to fear the most  
**

Once everyone was back in the restaurant, it came to realization that something was wrong. Very wrong. Asa-pin was confused. Then Tsubaki saw it.

"Hey… did anyone else notice this?"

She pointed to the small amount of money on the table, it was around 500 yen. Everyone shook their heads. Then Aya spoke up.

"Hey wait! Yukino agreed to help with the--"

"Excuse, here's your check."

They looked over the extensive list of sweets (Tsubasa attributed to the price immensely) and went silent. Maho screamed.

"THAT BITCH LEFT US WITH THE WHOLE CHECK! AHHH!"

Prepare for the wrath of teenaged girls.

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Done! Eh, I don't have much to say now except "Hope you like it, ja ne!"…

**  
**


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